Love and forgiveness

Before I start this I have to apologize for not keeping up with this blog. My summer was long and busy and I never really had much time for reflection and thought. I plan on doing much better with this.

All day long I have had a scripture running through my head. I've thought a great deal over it and feel somewhat inclined to write about it. The scripture is found in Matthew 5:46 -

"For if ye love them which love you, what reward have you? Do not even the publican do the same?"

This verse comes from the Sermon on the Mount in which the Savior is clarifying many of the teachings that had been in existence since at least the time of Moses. Previous to this verse the Savior had said:

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." After this is when he says "For if ye love them which love you, what reward have you?"

I've heard this a thousand times before. Instead of being mean to those who are mean to me I should love them. That idea is easy to understand. It's the scripture that I've quoted in verse 46 that keeps coming back to me. To put it in English the Savior is saying "Really? You think that to love someone who already loves you is so hard? Anyone can do that! Look at the publicans over there - you detest them, you excommunicate them for becoming publicans because they are doing the taxes for the Romans - they can love those who love them. That's the best you can do?" The trial that is our refiner's fire is in loving those whom we cannot stand - and showing them that we love them so that they know it.


It is hard to love someone who may have wronged you. One of my biggest pet peeve is a bad driver. There are millions of them out there. When someone cuts me off or exhibits their poor driving skills, my blood starts to boil. I literally fight the need to jump out of my seat and chase them down. That is the right way to do it - under the old law that Jesus clarified during the Sermon on the Mount. Now he wants me to love this person. He would rather that I get out of the car and go put my arms around this horrific driver and let them know that I love them. He wants me to let go of the bitter feelings that I have towards that person. I ask - what is the good in that? Am I saying that I don't mind that this person is a bad driver? Am I embracing the idea of bad driving? Should I start to drive as bad as those I see around me? Of course not.


According to the scriptures, as people forgive each other, they treat one another with Christlike love and have no bad feelings toward those who have offended them. Notice how love comes first in this statement. Unless love is present there can be no forgiveness. How can someone actually say that they have no bad feelings toward someone who has offended them if there is no love towards that person as well? It is literally the same as trying to start a fire without a match, flint and steel, or some other fire starting device. The fuel is there - but there is no ignition. Love is the ignition of forgiveness. If you remove those bad feelings toward whomever has offended you without applying love those bad feelings will return. In fact, they never truly go away. They are hidden just out of sight in your heart, but easily accessible to revisit.


President Monson once told a story by Samuel T. Whitman about an iron wedge that was left in the crook of a walnut tree by a young boy who forgot to take it to the shed. It lay there for years as the tree grew around it. One night an ice storm brought down three of the trees large branches. The tree was completely unbalanced by the loss of those limbs and the remaining part of the tree toppled to the ground. This mighty tree had been completely destroyed because of one small iron wedge. An iron wedge that didn't allow the limb fibers of the tree to grow together properly.


There are two things that stick out to me about this story. First, notice that it wasn't until a storm came that the tree toppled. The tree was fine and appeared to be strong when the storms were not raging. It wasn't until the storm pounded against the tree that it was destroyed. Much like our lives we each can appear to be strong and sturdy until life's storm rages against us, and the "iron wedge" in our hearts will cause us to topple and be destroyed. Our true characters are only revealed when we show how we stand in a storm. Second, the wedge in the tree was an iron wedge. Iron is one of the heaviest and most dense metals upon the face of the earth. Think about the weight of carrying around an iron wedge in your heart. It is hard work to carry that wedge (which is the equivalent of a grudge). It is tiring. It slows you down. It does not feel good. Where is the benefit of this grudge? What is the cause of the grudge? There is a one word answer for that - pride.


We must remember that forgiveness is not just a good thing for the person who has wronged us. President Uchtdorf said -

"Extending forgiveness is a precondition to receiving forgiveness. For our own good, we need the moral courage to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. Never is the soul nobler and more courageous than when we forgive. This includes forgiving ourselves. Each of us is under a divinely spoken obligation to reach out with pardon and mercy and to forgive one another. There is a great need for this Christlike attribute in our families, in our marriages, in our wards and stakes, in our communities, and in our nations".

How true this is! Is there a greater feeling than forgiving someone? Short of getting married or having a child there is nothing grander than the "iron wedge" of pride to be wretched from our hearts and for the healing fibers of love to start taking hold and repairing the long time damage that has been done. This healing may take time, but the healing cannot begin until the wedge is removed.

I have wedges to remove in my heart. Until I do so there will be no healing. I am nothing short of a publican at this point because I am great at loving those who love me back, but my enemies get no love from me. I am not gaining anything through only loving those who love me back. It's like developing an unnecessary skill. What good is not loving my enemies going to bring to me? Nothing. If I start to love them then I will be able to continually develop the ability to love everyone, regardless of who they are, and that is Christlike love. That is what the Savior is saying when the sun rises on the evil and the good and the rain falleth on the just and unjust - he means that there is no one who is undeserving of his love or our love. If we want the Savior to look at us with any degree of forgiveness and love we must first be the ones to show him that we understand what forgiveness and love are by showing it to everyone we come in contact with.

Throw out your heavy iron wedges. Love those who you feel you can't love. Forgive those who do not deserve it. Look at the Savior's ultimate example when he said to those me who actually drove nails through the palms of his hands and feet - "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do". If the Savior can do it, we have to do it, but only if we want to return to him. These things I know with all my heart. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.