Blackbird

Years ago I taught myself how to play the guitar. I am not great at it. I am not even good at it. It's a nice hobby of mine that helps as I write music. I definitely do not play it as well as I play the piano, but I can hold my own with it. During my teenage years and early twenties I listened to a great deal of music and I wanted to be my own "rock star". Those stars in my eyes have faded with the choice of career, an eternal marriage, and the birth of my children. In short, I had to grow up. However, I still work in a career that heavily involves my use of music. I pick up my guitar all the time and find myself playing many of the songs that I am familiar with simply because I am so familiar with those songs.

I am a big, huge Beatles fan to a point of almost being ridiculous. I know way too much useless information about the Beatles and can random spout of bits of information when given the chance. One of my favorite songs of theirs is "Blackbird". It's such a pretty little song. There are no harsh overdubs to it - just Paul McCartney and his guitar. It was a goal of mine to learn how to play it once I started learning how to play guitar, but I never thought I'd be able to do it. Like I said, I am not a good guitar player and to me it sounded like a complex and twisting mass of fingers across the fretboard of a guitar.

I was excited when one of my friends that could play it started to show me how to play it. It was still hard to play though. There were some four fret stretches throughout the piece and I have tiny hands. I really couldn't stretch my hand to do it, but I kept trying. I got to a point where if I started playing the song other people could recognize the song, but I could never play it flawlessly and it was never in one tempo. In other words, I really couldn't play it.

Recently I came across the guitar tabs that show how Paul McCartney actually played it. I was dumbstruck to see that it was not the same way that I was playing it. For twenty years I have been playing this song this specific way and here I was looking at a different way to play it. It looked so much harder and every time I tried to play it I would revert back to the old way that I knew how to play - the way that felt most comfortable to me. The new way was anything but comfortable and I could never remember what came next. The new way looked wrong because I was not used to it. I was very firm in the fact that it was 'wrong' and that I couldn't play it the 'wrong' way. I figured that I would at best learn a little bit of the new way and other people would still be impressed with my playing the opening of "Blackbird", even though I really couldn't play the rest of the song.

One day I sat with the tab in front of me and started playing it slowly. As I did so I realized there were no longer any four fret stretches in this version. In fact, the biggest stretch was two frets! This was something my little hands could handle. The more I would with it the more I realized how much easier this tab was to play and it was even the original tab. After a few weeks I found myself able to completely play this song flawlessly. Even better - I completely forgot how to play the 'wrong' way. It has absolutely slipped my mind.

There are many people who have grown up and lived their lives in a way that appears to be most comfortable to them. They have been shown how to live their life from those around them. Most often they followed the easiest instruction to get them from point A to point B. They are set in their ways and believe that they are doing the best that they possibly can. Sadly this sometimes even includes those who commit criminal acts. To lie and cheat really is considered to be a normal and acceptable way to get ahead in the world today. Kindness is a rare moment and seems to be becoming a thing of the past.

When something new comes along many people's first instinct is to reject it. At work, at school, in life, change can be a hard thing to deal with. Many of us feel as though we have learned pretty well how to live our lives and to deal with whatever may come our way. We feel pretty intelligent and for someone or something to come along and tell us to make changes to our lives can be disheartening. That does not mean that the changes we may be asked to make are wrong.

I grew up in a loving family in which I was taught the gospel, however I did not adhere to that which was taught. I often rebelled against those very things that were being taught to me for my own benefit. Those teachings came from parents and other teachers and leaders at church in the various wards I attended growing up. I felt the spirit often in my life but I did not let it take root as I should have. I was very prideful and I felt that I knew better what I needed in my life than those around me. I got to a point that I was the smartest person and no one had anything to offer me.

I lived a good portion of my late teens and early twenties in this mindset. Many mistakes were made on my part, but I felt that my system of living was the right way and there was no better way to live - no easier way to live. While I was not completely happy, I thought I had everything figured out. I lived my life in a manner that those around me 'recognized' that I was living my life. As I said, I was filled with pride though and I was not going to humble myself into the changes that would make me happier.

I eventually realized that something was missing and that my perceived happiness was an illusion. I was figuratively able to play my life and have people recognize it as life, but I really couldn't 'play'. It just appeared that way. I had the correct way to 'play life' right in front of me. The 'tab' was there in my life but it appeared to be too hard to 'play' every time I looked at it. The correct 'tab' was the Book of Mormon, other scriptures, the words of the prophets, my parents and their advice, my patriarchal blessing, etc. Every time I looked to one of those things it appeared to be 'too hard to play' and I would throw up my hands in frustration and go back to living my life the way that I had done for so long. I had been doing it that way for long enough and while it was difficult I was familiar with it and thought I knew what I was doing.

All of a sudden one day I decided to sit down and really look at the new and proper music before me. I had always had it - I had just never allowed myself to break past the newness of it. As I tried to 'play it the right way' I realized that it wasn't quite as hard as I had previously made it out to be. I could do this with enough practice and dedication. I still make mistakes as I practice, but I recognize those mistakes and strive to not make them again the next time I get to that point. With living my life the way I should it took some time and effort to get to a good point, but I made it. And thanks to repentance and new habits I am able to forget about the way I used to 'play'.

Don't let prolonged periods of bad practices and habits keep you from stepping into the light of living the correct principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is so hard to swallow the pride we acquire in life towards ourselves. We often think we can do it all ourselves. I know I did. I also recognize how much different life was once I decided to regularly include the Lord in my life. I want to be very clear - my life did not change to a perfect state of being once I made the decision to change to that which I should be doing. Now when trouble came my way I was able to take it to Lord for guidance and I never really felt as though I was pushing through my trials alone. In fact, I recognized that they were trials instead of bad luck or simply something bad happening to me. I am able to see that the Lord is trying to mold me and stretch me into the person he knows I can be. Sometimes stretching can be painful, but it is always worth it in the end.

I invite those I love most to come back - come back and learn how 'play the song the proper way'. It is easier than struggling along in the manner that you been. At first glance you may believe it to be too difficult, but I promise if you will sit down and really look at the 'music' before you, you will see that it is not harder - that it is in fact easier. I promise that you will also find yourself completely able to 'play the song' in a manner that all those around you will recognize. You won't simply be muddling through a poor attempt. You will be playing and singing and flying and the joy that will come into your heart will elevate you to place you never even dreamed of.

May I make a suggestion? The first step that I invite you to take on this new and humbling journey is prayer. Get on your knees and pray to your Father in Heaven. Let Him know that you want to bring Him back into your life. Let Him know how scared you are. Let Him know how you don't think you'll be able to do it but that you want to try. Let Him know that you will probably still make mistakes and ask for His patience with you. Pour out your entire heart to Him - and do it often. One time is not enough. Start off with once a day. I guarantee that within a short period of time you will find yourself doing it more than once a day. Pray for humility in what you are doing. Pray for your eyes to be opened to the changes you need to make. Pray to be filled with the light of Christ. I promise you that it will happen. Come back. You are loved and missed. Come back.