Step Up Men!

At the priesthood session of General Conference last week the men were told to step up and do better by Elder D. Todd Christofferson. He said "We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home... The Church and the world and women are crying for men, men will are developing their capacity and talents, who are willing to work and make sacrifices, who will help others achieve happiness and salvation."

This was one of the talks that had the greatest impact on me from conference. At times I have certainly acted the complete opposite of what the Lord expects of me. I have done what I needed to do to simply get by. My sense of urgency toward my responsibilities has been minimal. Why do more than necessary to make things happen? If I can build a home using one brick, why use two? Why use four when two would work? This seems to be the mentality of men these days.

I am trying to battle against this myself. I feel that I have come a long way when I look back upon my life, but when I look forward to the future I see how much more work I have to do to get even remotely close to where I need to be. It is a continual effort and requires a constant reminder from myself, for if I stop reminding myself of the necessary changes then I am simply falling back into the lazy manner I have been trying to get myself out of.

This past Saturday morning I woke up and went to a temple session. It had been too long since I had last attended and I needed the spiritual nourishment. My wife stayed home to watch the kids allowing me to do this and I sincerely appreciated her doing so. It's always nice to go together but Stephanie understood that I needed to go. As I sat on the temple I noticed that there were many more women in attendance than men. This is typical each time I attend the temple, but I recognized it more this time after Elder Christofferson's talk and it bothered me.

Before I continue on please understand that everything I have to say here applies to me as well. I am not excluded from what I have to say. I am certainly not saying that I am better than anyone else. I often feel the least of all men. This was my wake up call and I simply thought I'd share it with my brothers in the faith.

Men, where are we? I know we have work, home repairs, lawns to mow, cars to fix, and sleep to catch up on, but don't we also have a responsibility to ensure spiritual blessings for our families, as well as our own spiritual growth that will also benefit our families? Why are we not at the temple more? For those who don't have close access to a temple I'm sure that you attend as often as you can, but to those of us living within 30 minutes of a temple shouldn't we be there more often? Can we go to bed earlier so that we can get up early on a Saturday morning? Can we spend less time sitting and relaxing after we get home from a long work day and get things done that will free up some time to get to the temple later on in the week? Can we stand up from the computer or walk away from that game to get the important things done? Even as I write this I know there are other things I should be devoting my time to. I know we can make these changes because I've been able to work on doing this myself and I never thought I would be able to.

This doesn't just apply to attending the temple. This works for spending time with our families, giving our wives the attention and affection that they deserve, getting our home teaching done, as well as attending to our other callings and duties. Are our priorities set straight? Are we more devoted to the selfish or the selfless? Take your own personal measurement to see. After you've made your assessment know this - you are probably wrong. Show your findings to your wife and let her show you where you went wrong. She sees what you don't and that is a good thing. You may not always think so, but it is a very good thing.

Brethren, let us cast off the lazy, the procrastination, the minimal. Take upon yourself the burden, the exceptional, and the best. A swimmer gets to his destination faster by kicking than by lying still and floating. Kick brethren and get to where you need to be. If we all made these necessary changes and improvements can you imagine what the church would be like? Can you imagine the strength found in each family?

Allow yourself to see the potential in you that our Father in Heaven sees and all your improvements will come easier. Your desire will change. Your priorities will be refocused. Your relationship with your wife will improve, as it also will with your children. You will willingly accept your trials as moments of growth. Understand that your sacrifices will turn into your blessings. Throw yourself into the refiner's fire and great blessings will be yours. The perfection we are trying to attain may actually come within our reach. Brethren, that is how we will come to be like the Savior.

The Bad Haircut

How I love listening to the leaders of the church during General Conference at this time of year. It is the perfect transition for me each time. The annual conference held in the spring is an awakening from the droll cold of the winter and the semi-annual conference held in the fall is like lighting a fire in a fireplace to stay warm because of the first snowfall. These blessings that occur every six months are so revitalizing and refreshing for me. I wish we could have conference once a month. I feel that they bring out the best in me and pull me closer to the Lord. They make me work harder to come closer to the spirit and the light of Christ. Things are said that make me start to think about different aspects of the gospel and how I can understand them better.

One thing that I've been thinking about lately is those who may have fallen away from the church due to the actions of another. We've all come across someone in the church who just rubs us the wrong way and it is hard to be loving and Christlike to that person because you just can't stand them. For some members they have left the church because of that one person. Others have learned to overcome their disdain for them and remain in the church. Some even overcome their dislike for those people so much that even try to befriend them.

I had one person from my youth that was a leader that I just couldn't stand. I remember sitting out in the hallway reading my scriptures one time and he came up to me and threatened me with a good 'whoopin' if I did get into my Sunday School class. I argued with him out the hall for a bit and finally gave in and went to class only because I couldn't stand to look at him anymore. Every time I saw him though during this time in my life I felt nothing but hatred for him. He made me not want to come to church. I let what he would say to me get to me and Satan took over from there. It was hard for me, but it did eventually change. (Don't ask me who it was - my feelings toward him now are nothing but love and gratefulness for his looking out for me.)

I started thinking about this the other day and how this happens to others. It will sometimes consume someone's soul so much that they lose all sense of the truthfulness of the gospel. They will actually think that this one person's actions or words define the whole church and the gospel. "This church can't be true because so and so did this to me!" "If the church allows people like her to be a member then I don't want to have anything to do with it!" I've heard people say these things. I've been to those points as well. It's hard to accept someone, especially a leader, when they make us feel so bad in someplace where we want to feel so good.

I'm not excusing anyone that has been rude to another, nor am I diminishing the sorrow felt by those who felt they have been slighted. Sorrow is sorrow no matter where it comes from. Hurt and anger are not always easily let go. It's hard to understand why these things happen or how we should act when these things happen. We are told to turn the other cheek, but it is hard to do so when that trust has been destroyed. I started to think about this the other day and something came to mind to help me understand it better. Hopefully it will help some of those who have lost the faith do some personal evaluating. We would love to have you back.

There once was a young boy who was becoming a teenager. All of his life his mother had cut his hair. She had always done a good job, but she only knew how to cut hair, nothing else. This boy wanted to start looking more grown-up because he was going to be starting junior high. His mother did not know how to cut his hair into the style that he so wanted. He wanted to go the barbershop and have a real profession - someone who really knew what they were doing cut his hair. His mother agreed to take him if he would earn the money to pay for it himself.

He spent the next few weeks doing his chores and finding ways to earn extra money so that he could get his hair cut before school started. He wanted to show up on the first day with his hair done a specific way so that his friends would be impressed. He wanted to look classy and nice because he was tired of looking like a little boy. Finally a few days before school he had earned the money necessary for his haircut. He and his mother drove to the barbershop that he wanted to go to because he heard that his friends had their hair cut there as well.

The boy went inside, paid his money to the barber and told him how he wanted his hair cut. He described it in great detail because he had been looking forward to this for quite some time. He sat in the stool, the barber put an apron around his neck and started cutting. The boy sat there with his eyes closed in great anticipation of how great he was going to look once the barber was done. He heard the scissors snipping and felt his hair falling to his ears and onto the ground. The barber continued on for a few minutes before lower the stool and saying that he was finished. The boy slowly opened his eyes.

What he saw brought tears to his eyes. The barber had cut his hair nothing like he had asked him to. It was not even close. The poor boy was mortified. He didn't know what to do. He put his head down and walked quickly out of the barbershop without even stopping to say anything to his mother. She found him out on the curb in tears. She sat down next to him and asked what was wrong. 

He blurted through his tears that his hair didn't look anything like he wanted it to. The barber did not do what he had asked him to. The boy explained that he had worked hard to earn the money necessary to come get his hair cut in a certain way. He had given that hard earned money to the barber and expressed his desire and expectation to him. He trusted the barber to do what he was supposed to do and that barber did nothing even remotely close to it.

The mother said that his hair didn't look bad, but the boy continued to exclaim how horrible he looked and that there was nothing that could be done to change the predicament he was in. Now his money was gone, his hair looked terrible, and all of his friends were going to laugh at him when school started up on Monday. This mother suggested that he go to another barber and get his hair cut in a way that would fix the cut the last barber had given. The boy gave a very pointed answer, "I am never going to a barber to cut my hair again! The are all terrible and don't know what they are doing." The mother, in her infinite wisdom said to the boy, "Not all barbers are bad. Just because of one bad experience with one you cannot shun the rest of them. Some of them are good and some of them are bad. You must give the others a chance to do their job. One bad haircut does not deem that you refuse the service of those who are doing their best."

The boy reminded his mother that he was out of money now. There was no way that he was going to earn enough money to get his hair re-cut in time for school. The mother offered to pay for the next haircut if the boy would earn the money to pay her back. He was very reluctant, but with gentle prodding from his mother he finally agreed to another haircut.

They went to another barber - one that was a little out of the way from the popular spot. The boy was nervous but he went in to the barber and explained what had previously happened with the other barber. This new barber looked concerned and took the time to discuss in greater detail with the boy what he was going to do to his hair to help fix the previous cut. Again, the boy closed his eyes and waited in anxious anticipation for the haircut to be over.

When the barber finally finished the boy opened his eyes and looked in the mirror. His hair was exactly as this barber had told him it was going to be. The style was not exactly as he wanted it, but it looked good enough that he knew his friends at school on Monday would be impressed with it. Plus, as his hair grew out it would grow into the style that he had wanted all along. It was going to take some time and patience to get it to where he wanted it to be. He turned to the barber and threw his arms around him. "Thank you. You are one of the good ones. You are who I will return to when I need this done again." The boy and his mother returned home. On Monday the boy was greeted by his friends with compliments about his haircut and he finally felt as though he were grown up.

How many members of the church feel as this boy did after his bad encounter with the first barber? They even express either inwardly or outwardly that they are never going to go back to church because of what that ONE PERSON did to them. It is completely understandable to feel this way. Your trust was betrayed and you don't believe it can ever be restored. You have worked hard to gain your testimony. You have worked hard to feel the spirit and the blessings of the Lord. After what that person did to you you only feel as though your hard work was for nothing. I feel for you, but like this boy, something can be done about it.

There are those around you like this boy's mother. It may even be your own mother. For some it is the Savior Himself. This is a person who is watching out for you and your betterment. There are those who have a testimony that they can share with you to help support you during your moment of crisis. Like the boy who was given money by his mother, you can lean on those persons closest to you and their testimony. You can pray for guidance. You lean on them now and you may be called upon by them in the future for them to lean on you, but for now they give to you freely what they have to offer for help. Rely on those people. Their love for you is strong and they want to see nothing but the best for you.

Don't let that one person who wronged you destroy your faith in the church. Like the one barber who did it wrong - he does not represent all other barbers. One person in the church does not represent the entire church. That one person may not be taking the time to care for you as they should. They may not be a good position to take of you or even themselves. There are many other people out there in the church, in your stake, in your ward that could offer you the exact "haircut" that you are looking for. Find that person. Let them fix and repair the damage that has been done to you. As the boy in the story, you may not come out it looking exactly the way you want to, but with patience and time you will grow into what you want to be.

We all have had a "bad haircut" in our lives. How we respond to these haircuts is up to us. We can throw our hands up in the air and refuse to let another living person touch our hair. In some ways that may seem like the easiest option, but if we look for someone else to repair the damage done we may be happier with those results than what we originally wanted. Trials are there for our growth. Don't let them lead you to your destruction. Don't let one person control your own destiny in the church. That is yours to control and yours alone. Find your "mother" and let them pay for another haircut. Let me be that person if I can. Come back to the gospel of Jesus Christ and immerse yourself into the happiness that you use to know so well. Nothing will have changed except for you, and if you are coming back, you are improving upon the greatness that you already possess.

Roll Up Your Window

As many others have had to do because of today's economy I have had to take on a second job in order to support my family. I found a job a few nights a week delivering pizzas for a couple of hours each night. I spend a great deal of time driving around in my car because of these responsibilities. I don't mind it because while I am doing so I am able to listen to conference talks on my phone. I thoroughly enjoy this time because I am allowed quiet time to listen and then ponder and understand the great words of the prophet and other leaders of the church.

The one bad thing about driving around in my car to do this is that my car has no air conditioning. When driving around a 15 year old car eventually things start giving out. My air conditioning was one of the first things to go, so as I drive around I have my window down for fresh air and to stay cool. Because of the time of day and the area of town I deliver in there is a high volume of cars on the road with me. I have a lot of experiences on the road with other drivers during this time that can often leave me frustrated, but with listening to things of a spiritual nature I find myself calm and collective.

Yesterday I was driving to a home a few miles away from our store to deliver a pizza. In my right ear I had my bluetooth headset to listen to a conference talk from April 2012 conference. My left ear had nothing in it and my driver's side window was rolled down. As I pulled up to the stoplight I could hear the thumping of some music blaring from the car I would stop alongside. The music was loud enough that I could hear and clearly understand the profanities that laced the song. I sat there for a moment not thinking anything of what was happening, but then a thought hit me very clearly. In one ear I had the words of the Lord and in the other were the words of the adversary. Here I was, in a position I had no control of on the road and I had to make the best of this situation. The answer to change this situation was obvious - I had to roll up the window.

How often do we find ourselves in the same place in life? We go about our daily routines with work, school, or whatever we may be doing. The adversary's presence has become more prominent than ever before. The influence of the Savior is widely ignored. We often find ourselves with the words of the Lord in one ear and Satan's in the other. How do we combat this? We simply must roll up our window to block out the evils and focus on the words of the Lord through his servants.

In Matthew 6:24 we read that "no man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon." These are the words of the Savior from His Sermon on the Mount. As I sat there in my car this scripture came to mind. I couldn't blindly sit there and listen to the Lord in one ear and Satan in the other. I had to choose who was going to have the greatest influence in my life. I had to turn away from evil and towards the Lord.

I have taught music in a public school for the last five years. As I go about the hallways here I often find myself having to push the evils of the world out of my head here as well. Students walk through the halls saying the most vile of things and without any indication that they understand that what they are saying is wrong. I often find myself engaged in a discussion with a student about the use of words defining our character. As teachers we are told to not teach religious views to our students. I try to share the influence that the Lord has on me with them strictly through my example. This requires me to also make sure that I am turning away from evil and towards the Lord at all times. If we drive down the road of life with our window down all the time we are going to hear things we don't want to hear. We will hear things we shouldn't hear.

In my car when I rolled my window up it instantly became hot and muggy. I had to endure it until the car with the bad music turned off the road that I was on and I could finally roll down my window again. It was such a relief to feel the evening air pour back through my open window and cool me down. Sometimes we have to endure a trial for a period of time. It may be a short period or an extended one. It may be hard to go through. In fact, sometimes it may feel as though we just need to roll the window back down and deal with the noise. To do that would be foolish. It would simply be an invitation to the adversary to enter our thoughts and tempt us. We must be stronger than that. We must endure it well in order to receive the blessings of heaven. After the trial comes the blessings.

There have been many times in my life when I should have 'rolled the window up'. There were times when I rolled it down and I shouldn't have. I always find myself more able to hear and follow the Spirit when there is nothing else on the road of life to distract me from its gentle promptings. The Lord Himself said that if we endure it well He will "open... the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it". Let us all make sure to recognize when we need to roll up our windows in life to protect ourselves. Let us all have the strength to endure the trials that accompany these moments. If these two things are followed eventually our windows will be opened and we will enjoy the blessings of the Lord.

Blackbird

Years ago I taught myself how to play the guitar. I am not great at it. I am not even good at it. It's a nice hobby of mine that helps as I write music. I definitely do not play it as well as I play the piano, but I can hold my own with it. During my teenage years and early twenties I listened to a great deal of music and I wanted to be my own "rock star". Those stars in my eyes have faded with the choice of career, an eternal marriage, and the birth of my children. In short, I had to grow up. However, I still work in a career that heavily involves my use of music. I pick up my guitar all the time and find myself playing many of the songs that I am familiar with simply because I am so familiar with those songs.

I am a big, huge Beatles fan to a point of almost being ridiculous. I know way too much useless information about the Beatles and can random spout of bits of information when given the chance. One of my favorite songs of theirs is "Blackbird". It's such a pretty little song. There are no harsh overdubs to it - just Paul McCartney and his guitar. It was a goal of mine to learn how to play it once I started learning how to play guitar, but I never thought I'd be able to do it. Like I said, I am not a good guitar player and to me it sounded like a complex and twisting mass of fingers across the fretboard of a guitar.

I was excited when one of my friends that could play it started to show me how to play it. It was still hard to play though. There were some four fret stretches throughout the piece and I have tiny hands. I really couldn't stretch my hand to do it, but I kept trying. I got to a point where if I started playing the song other people could recognize the song, but I could never play it flawlessly and it was never in one tempo. In other words, I really couldn't play it.

Recently I came across the guitar tabs that show how Paul McCartney actually played it. I was dumbstruck to see that it was not the same way that I was playing it. For twenty years I have been playing this song this specific way and here I was looking at a different way to play it. It looked so much harder and every time I tried to play it I would revert back to the old way that I knew how to play - the way that felt most comfortable to me. The new way was anything but comfortable and I could never remember what came next. The new way looked wrong because I was not used to it. I was very firm in the fact that it was 'wrong' and that I couldn't play it the 'wrong' way. I figured that I would at best learn a little bit of the new way and other people would still be impressed with my playing the opening of "Blackbird", even though I really couldn't play the rest of the song.

One day I sat with the tab in front of me and started playing it slowly. As I did so I realized there were no longer any four fret stretches in this version. In fact, the biggest stretch was two frets! This was something my little hands could handle. The more I would with it the more I realized how much easier this tab was to play and it was even the original tab. After a few weeks I found myself able to completely play this song flawlessly. Even better - I completely forgot how to play the 'wrong' way. It has absolutely slipped my mind.

There are many people who have grown up and lived their lives in a way that appears to be most comfortable to them. They have been shown how to live their life from those around them. Most often they followed the easiest instruction to get them from point A to point B. They are set in their ways and believe that they are doing the best that they possibly can. Sadly this sometimes even includes those who commit criminal acts. To lie and cheat really is considered to be a normal and acceptable way to get ahead in the world today. Kindness is a rare moment and seems to be becoming a thing of the past.

When something new comes along many people's first instinct is to reject it. At work, at school, in life, change can be a hard thing to deal with. Many of us feel as though we have learned pretty well how to live our lives and to deal with whatever may come our way. We feel pretty intelligent and for someone or something to come along and tell us to make changes to our lives can be disheartening. That does not mean that the changes we may be asked to make are wrong.

I grew up in a loving family in which I was taught the gospel, however I did not adhere to that which was taught. I often rebelled against those very things that were being taught to me for my own benefit. Those teachings came from parents and other teachers and leaders at church in the various wards I attended growing up. I felt the spirit often in my life but I did not let it take root as I should have. I was very prideful and I felt that I knew better what I needed in my life than those around me. I got to a point that I was the smartest person and no one had anything to offer me.

I lived a good portion of my late teens and early twenties in this mindset. Many mistakes were made on my part, but I felt that my system of living was the right way and there was no better way to live - no easier way to live. While I was not completely happy, I thought I had everything figured out. I lived my life in a manner that those around me 'recognized' that I was living my life. As I said, I was filled with pride though and I was not going to humble myself into the changes that would make me happier.

I eventually realized that something was missing and that my perceived happiness was an illusion. I was figuratively able to play my life and have people recognize it as life, but I really couldn't 'play'. It just appeared that way. I had the correct way to 'play life' right in front of me. The 'tab' was there in my life but it appeared to be too hard to 'play' every time I looked at it. The correct 'tab' was the Book of Mormon, other scriptures, the words of the prophets, my parents and their advice, my patriarchal blessing, etc. Every time I looked to one of those things it appeared to be 'too hard to play' and I would throw up my hands in frustration and go back to living my life the way that I had done for so long. I had been doing it that way for long enough and while it was difficult I was familiar with it and thought I knew what I was doing.

All of a sudden one day I decided to sit down and really look at the new and proper music before me. I had always had it - I had just never allowed myself to break past the newness of it. As I tried to 'play it the right way' I realized that it wasn't quite as hard as I had previously made it out to be. I could do this with enough practice and dedication. I still make mistakes as I practice, but I recognize those mistakes and strive to not make them again the next time I get to that point. With living my life the way I should it took some time and effort to get to a good point, but I made it. And thanks to repentance and new habits I am able to forget about the way I used to 'play'.

Don't let prolonged periods of bad practices and habits keep you from stepping into the light of living the correct principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is so hard to swallow the pride we acquire in life towards ourselves. We often think we can do it all ourselves. I know I did. I also recognize how much different life was once I decided to regularly include the Lord in my life. I want to be very clear - my life did not change to a perfect state of being once I made the decision to change to that which I should be doing. Now when trouble came my way I was able to take it to Lord for guidance and I never really felt as though I was pushing through my trials alone. In fact, I recognized that they were trials instead of bad luck or simply something bad happening to me. I am able to see that the Lord is trying to mold me and stretch me into the person he knows I can be. Sometimes stretching can be painful, but it is always worth it in the end.

I invite those I love most to come back - come back and learn how 'play the song the proper way'. It is easier than struggling along in the manner that you been. At first glance you may believe it to be too difficult, but I promise if you will sit down and really look at the 'music' before you, you will see that it is not harder - that it is in fact easier. I promise that you will also find yourself completely able to 'play the song' in a manner that all those around you will recognize. You won't simply be muddling through a poor attempt. You will be playing and singing and flying and the joy that will come into your heart will elevate you to place you never even dreamed of.

May I make a suggestion? The first step that I invite you to take on this new and humbling journey is prayer. Get on your knees and pray to your Father in Heaven. Let Him know that you want to bring Him back into your life. Let Him know how scared you are. Let Him know how you don't think you'll be able to do it but that you want to try. Let Him know that you will probably still make mistakes and ask for His patience with you. Pour out your entire heart to Him - and do it often. One time is not enough. Start off with once a day. I guarantee that within a short period of time you will find yourself doing it more than once a day. Pray for humility in what you are doing. Pray for your eyes to be opened to the changes you need to make. Pray to be filled with the light of Christ. I promise you that it will happen. Come back. You are loved and missed. Come back.