Aleece - my little angel

I was so proud of Aleece today. In sacrament meeting the primary got up to sing "I Am a Child of God". Aleece was so excited to go up and do it. The minute that it was time for her to go up she started to head up there. She asked me to come with her for part of the way and then let me know that she could do it herself. She walked up there and stood right in the front row and sang her little heart out. She did a great job, smiling and singing. I could hear her voice very clearly above the other children's voices. Toward the end of the song she looked over and saw me and gave me a little wave with that bright smile and those big brown eyes. It made me tear up. I am so proud to be her father.

It made me think ahead in life about the other times that she will ask me to guide her part way and then let me know she can go the rest of the way on her own. I hope and pray that as her father I will be able to provide the care and comfort to her that she will need to continue on with talking the steps. This was a small moment today, singing in sacrament, but I look forward to stepping into a baptismal font with her smiling that same cute smile. That will be another day that my pride will beam. I look forward to the day she enters young women's, telling me she can do that on her own. And of course, the day that she waves to me in a sealing room as she walks in dressed in white to be sealed to her worthy young man for time and all eternity.

All of these thought confirm to me the joy there is in being a parent, and especially a father. Mothers have the hard job with raising children. There is no doubt of that in my mind. I sometimes think as a father that it's too easy for me to sit and watch the growth and development of our children. Stephanie does so much to make these girls who they are. More often then not I come home at the end of the day and probably destroy all of Steph's handiwork. I know that makes it hard on her, but she is such a good mom. There is no question about that. It was a role she was born to fill.

I hope that as a father I am being a good father. It's hard for me to know if I am because I feel as if I am a tough dad. Maybe I punish more than I should. Maybe I expect more than I should. I don't know if there is a right way to do it. I know there is a wrong way and I don't want to do that. I struggle every single day with wondering if what I do as a father is the best way. Somedays, like today, I know that I am doing a good thing. When Aleece asks me about Jesus and how much he loves her I know that something I have done has been right. When she tells me she wishes she could see Joseph Smith I know that I have done something right. She she tells me that she's going to miss President Hinckely because he was so nice I know I have done something right.

Of all things in my life, whether they be things of greatness and progress or my mistakes and follies in life I know one thing for sure - and it is that I love Aleece more than I should be allowed to as a father. She really is such a good girl. We have these great little talks at night when I take her to bed. It has become my job to take her into bed and read her a goodnight story. Sometimes we read and sometimes she asks me to tell her stories about when I was a little boy and sometimes she just asks me questions. Let me tell you - they are some great questions. She so smart and adorable and I wouldn't trade her for anything. And although she can get under my skin and rub me the wrong way I can't stay upset with her for long. She knows when I am upset and she'll come find me and throw her arms around my neck and tell me "Daddy, I love you sooo much!" and that is usually the end.

So I've realized why Heavenly Father wanted us to have our own children - so that we could be as happy as he is.

Building up my defenses

I was reading the Book of Mormon this last week at work in the latter part of the book of Alma. Throughout this part of the book it talks continually about the wars between the Nephites and the Lamanites. I've always known that the reason these wars were spoken of so frequently was to show us the Nephite cycle - the Nephites being humble being blessed by the Lord for it, then pride creeping in to destroy them and having to be humbled again. It's amazing to see it happen time after time.

I always love reading about Moroni and the Title of Liberty. While I was reading through it this time I noticed how much was made mention of how Moroni had defences built up around the cities. All the cities were fortified to protect those within. There were high towers built and mounds of dirt built up around their bases with sharp poles put throughout the dirt. The people in the high towers were shielded from the Lamanites stones and arrows. When the Lamanites went to war against the Nephites they were afraid because the Nephites had great body armor on to protect themselves, while the Lamanites only had loinclothes. During the battles thousands of Lamanites are killed and few Nephites are even injured, but they received injuries on their legs where (get this!) there was no protection. So why was there so much of this made mention?

There was an experience at school that helped me realize why. In one of my kindergarten classes I had one boy accidently swing his arm back into another kid's eye. I saw the whole thing happen and it was an accident. The one whose eye was hurt immediately thought it was done on purpose and the other kid didn't even realize he had done it. I called them both over to me and we talked about what had happened and the one who had accidently hit immediately apologized once I suggested it and even gave the other kid a hug. They went back to the other children and we had class. At the end of class I had the two of them line up together at the front of the line so I could make sure they were okay with each other. We stood there for a minute waiting for the teacher to come pick them up. As we were standing there the kids were talking about different things and somehow got the subject of one of the Chucky movies (the evil little doll). The kid that got hit in the eye started to talk about a scene in the movie that was really inappropriate because it was of a sexual nature. I stopped the conversation, but as I was stopping it the kid that apologized for hitting told the other one that what he was talking about was nasty and walked away.

Thinking back about that situation later on that day I realized that one of those children had parents that had put up some sort of defenses around their home for protection and the other had not. One had built up mounds of dirt and was keeping a watchful eye for what was coming their way and the other had left itself vulnerable to the evils set to attack. Simply put - one was prepared and protected, the other was not.

In Memphis over the last few weeks there has been raging debates over school security. Sadly in the last two weeks there have been two seperate shooting incidents that have worried a lot of people. Neither of the shootings took place anywhere near my school, but they could have. Security at our school is pretty good, but our principal told us this last week to step it up a notch. She said she wants to take a proactive approach to our school's security and not a reactive approach. That's exactly what Moroni did.

A lot of people are starting to blame parents for the shootings and suggest that they should be responsible for their children. Some people think that is an awful thought. I know through modern revelation that I am responsible for my children through the way that I raise them. And the manner in which I raise them MUST be proactive and not reactive. I can't wait until they hurt someone at school and then teach them that it is wrong. I can't wait until they've used drugs and then point out that it is not right. I have to address these issues before they ever arise and make sure that they know which direction to run when they are confronted with the evils that society deems as acceptable.

So now I am looking at ways to build up the defenses around our home. Where can we put our lookout tower? How wide should our moat be? We need body armor, but we need to make sure that every area of our bodies are covered and not left defenseless. To top off all my thoughts the last week about creating protection and defences I came across something in my patriarchal blessing last night. "Place upon yourself the armor of the priesthood that you will be protected from the fiery darts of Satan." I've even received a personal warning to protect myself and I'm sure it extends to my family.

It would seem that with as much protection as any home would need these days it would take a lifetime to build it. All it is, however, are the teachings of the Savior. It may not seem like much, but his teachings are armor that can never be pierced and defenses that can never be breached. We always ask Aleece when she is doing something she shouldn't if she thinks that Jesus would do what she was doing. She always answers no because she knows the right answer. I'm sure we will continue that tradition with Lainey and our next child and even the ones after that. It may seem simple. In many ways it is, but by simply following the teachings of the Savior we can obtain so much and the blessings that we receive for do so will bring all the fortification that we need in today's world.

I have a testimony of all of this and it has been strengthened a great deal this last week. The Savior's teachings are so simple and easy to follow and the blessings that I have received as I've strived to work harder in the last few weeks have been tremendous. I feel happier and stronger, not only physically, mentally and spiritually. It's amazing how quickly and easily it works. There is still a long way to go, but I am seeing some results in working on lengthing my stride and standing a little taller. I love the Savior and am grateful for the protection that his teachings provide me and my family with. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

I am grateful

I don't know who all will read this. It's there for anyone to read, but please don't be offended by anything I write, seeing as how you have the choice to close the window if you don't like what is here. That's not meant to be hurtful - it's just fact. I won't be offended if you don't want to read, but please don't be offended if you do read.

As I sat and listened to President Hinckley's funeral on Saturday I was struck by a few things. One was that I am not as good a person as I can be. My brother, Chandler, called me during the funeral and said that I sounded sad. I said I wasn't - I was just looking at my life in comparison to President Hinckley's and seeing that I could be so much better. He said "Everyone can be better." He was right - but how many people actually try to be better, instead of just thinking about it. I could think about learning French all day, but until I try to learn it I'm not going to get very far. So now I am mentally and physically trying to do better each and every day. It's little things at first, like saying my prayers in the morning and reading my scriptures at school when I have a break. I hate mornings and have a difficult time staying awake to pray and when I have free time at school and a piano right next to me... Well, you get the picture. These new things are challenges, but I welcome them with open arms. I am hoping that I planting seeds that will sprout into bigger and better things after time. I am trying to be a more patient father and a more loving husband to my beautiful wife. And guess what? After I become better at those things I am going to try to be even better! There are no limits to what we as people can be.

Something else I thought about during President Hinckley's funeral was how my life has changed in the time that he has been prophet. He was ordained the prophet the day after my 19th birthday. From that day to the day of his death I have traveled roads I didn't know existed. Some were lonely, some were deadly and the road I am currently on is the most glorious and beautiful road I have ever known. His influence can be seen in most everything I did. He always talked about standing a little taller and lengthing our stride. I did not do that like I should have. Did I want to? Yes. Did I? No. Was I afraid to? Probably so, but no more. For some reason the fear has left me now and I truly have the desire to strive for the better and leave the petty behind.

I really want those who know me to know that I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The foundation for that has been built up by many different things. Today I want to share my love for President Hinckley and his wonderful example. I truly loved President Hinckley. He was such a steadfast example for me for the last 12 years. The way he lived his life tended to overshadow a lot of things in my life. When I was at my deepest and darkest I was somehow drawn to him and his strength. His words at the many conferences I attended were such a healing balm to me and my spiritual maladies. I listened to him and yet I couldn't tell you what he had talked about a week later, but when I needed a boost his words would coming flowing back into my mind to provide that rich comfort that only those who have felt before can truly understand. His six 'bees' could not have been more precious words than if the Savior himself had uttered them. His desire to put temples all over the world was such a blessing - especially for Stephanie and I. I know that Steph and I would have been sealed in any other temple when we decided to take that step, but to do it in the Nauvoo Temple was a treasure that was heaped upon the blessing I was already to receive when Stephanie came into my life. President Hinckley made that possible for us when the decision was made to have the Nauvoo Temple reconstructed. Our sealing is in the one corner of my mind that I visit each day to polish. It always will be. Of all the people that have lived during my life there is none greater to pattern my life after than that of Gordon B. Hinckley. He was my prophet and, unknowingly, my friend. My friend that I always looked forward to seeing every six months - to sit at his feet and learn how to be a better person, to learn how to be more in tune with the Spirit, to learn how to become closer to the Savior. Though he is gone and I already miss him dearly, I still have his words to look to again and again as a guide when I need him to help comfort me and strengthen me. I know that he was the Lord's prophet and that the Savior was there to welcome him on the other side, as well as his wife and all of the other prophets that went before him. What a grand welcoming party that must have been! I love President Hinckley and I wish that I could have done 'better' when he was alive, but because of him I am now doing better. I love the Savior and I know that President Hinckley was his prophet. I am so grateful for the Savior putting President Hinckley into all of our lives. I have a firm testimony of prophets being the Lord's anointed and I wanted to share that with all those that I could.

I humbly testify of all these things in the holy name of Jesus Christ. Amen.