The Bad Haircut

How I love listening to the leaders of the church during General Conference at this time of year. It is the perfect transition for me each time. The annual conference held in the spring is an awakening from the droll cold of the winter and the semi-annual conference held in the fall is like lighting a fire in a fireplace to stay warm because of the first snowfall. These blessings that occur every six months are so revitalizing and refreshing for me. I wish we could have conference once a month. I feel that they bring out the best in me and pull me closer to the Lord. They make me work harder to come closer to the spirit and the light of Christ. Things are said that make me start to think about different aspects of the gospel and how I can understand them better.

One thing that I've been thinking about lately is those who may have fallen away from the church due to the actions of another. We've all come across someone in the church who just rubs us the wrong way and it is hard to be loving and Christlike to that person because you just can't stand them. For some members they have left the church because of that one person. Others have learned to overcome their disdain for them and remain in the church. Some even overcome their dislike for those people so much that even try to befriend them.

I had one person from my youth that was a leader that I just couldn't stand. I remember sitting out in the hallway reading my scriptures one time and he came up to me and threatened me with a good 'whoopin' if I did get into my Sunday School class. I argued with him out the hall for a bit and finally gave in and went to class only because I couldn't stand to look at him anymore. Every time I saw him though during this time in my life I felt nothing but hatred for him. He made me not want to come to church. I let what he would say to me get to me and Satan took over from there. It was hard for me, but it did eventually change. (Don't ask me who it was - my feelings toward him now are nothing but love and gratefulness for his looking out for me.)

I started thinking about this the other day and how this happens to others. It will sometimes consume someone's soul so much that they lose all sense of the truthfulness of the gospel. They will actually think that this one person's actions or words define the whole church and the gospel. "This church can't be true because so and so did this to me!" "If the church allows people like her to be a member then I don't want to have anything to do with it!" I've heard people say these things. I've been to those points as well. It's hard to accept someone, especially a leader, when they make us feel so bad in someplace where we want to feel so good.

I'm not excusing anyone that has been rude to another, nor am I diminishing the sorrow felt by those who felt they have been slighted. Sorrow is sorrow no matter where it comes from. Hurt and anger are not always easily let go. It's hard to understand why these things happen or how we should act when these things happen. We are told to turn the other cheek, but it is hard to do so when that trust has been destroyed. I started to think about this the other day and something came to mind to help me understand it better. Hopefully it will help some of those who have lost the faith do some personal evaluating. We would love to have you back.

There once was a young boy who was becoming a teenager. All of his life his mother had cut his hair. She had always done a good job, but she only knew how to cut hair, nothing else. This boy wanted to start looking more grown-up because he was going to be starting junior high. His mother did not know how to cut his hair into the style that he so wanted. He wanted to go the barbershop and have a real profession - someone who really knew what they were doing cut his hair. His mother agreed to take him if he would earn the money to pay for it himself.

He spent the next few weeks doing his chores and finding ways to earn extra money so that he could get his hair cut before school started. He wanted to show up on the first day with his hair done a specific way so that his friends would be impressed. He wanted to look classy and nice because he was tired of looking like a little boy. Finally a few days before school he had earned the money necessary for his haircut. He and his mother drove to the barbershop that he wanted to go to because he heard that his friends had their hair cut there as well.

The boy went inside, paid his money to the barber and told him how he wanted his hair cut. He described it in great detail because he had been looking forward to this for quite some time. He sat in the stool, the barber put an apron around his neck and started cutting. The boy sat there with his eyes closed in great anticipation of how great he was going to look once the barber was done. He heard the scissors snipping and felt his hair falling to his ears and onto the ground. The barber continued on for a few minutes before lower the stool and saying that he was finished. The boy slowly opened his eyes.

What he saw brought tears to his eyes. The barber had cut his hair nothing like he had asked him to. It was not even close. The poor boy was mortified. He didn't know what to do. He put his head down and walked quickly out of the barbershop without even stopping to say anything to his mother. She found him out on the curb in tears. She sat down next to him and asked what was wrong. 

He blurted through his tears that his hair didn't look anything like he wanted it to. The barber did not do what he had asked him to. The boy explained that he had worked hard to earn the money necessary to come get his hair cut in a certain way. He had given that hard earned money to the barber and expressed his desire and expectation to him. He trusted the barber to do what he was supposed to do and that barber did nothing even remotely close to it.

The mother said that his hair didn't look bad, but the boy continued to exclaim how horrible he looked and that there was nothing that could be done to change the predicament he was in. Now his money was gone, his hair looked terrible, and all of his friends were going to laugh at him when school started up on Monday. This mother suggested that he go to another barber and get his hair cut in a way that would fix the cut the last barber had given. The boy gave a very pointed answer, "I am never going to a barber to cut my hair again! The are all terrible and don't know what they are doing." The mother, in her infinite wisdom said to the boy, "Not all barbers are bad. Just because of one bad experience with one you cannot shun the rest of them. Some of them are good and some of them are bad. You must give the others a chance to do their job. One bad haircut does not deem that you refuse the service of those who are doing their best."

The boy reminded his mother that he was out of money now. There was no way that he was going to earn enough money to get his hair re-cut in time for school. The mother offered to pay for the next haircut if the boy would earn the money to pay her back. He was very reluctant, but with gentle prodding from his mother he finally agreed to another haircut.

They went to another barber - one that was a little out of the way from the popular spot. The boy was nervous but he went in to the barber and explained what had previously happened with the other barber. This new barber looked concerned and took the time to discuss in greater detail with the boy what he was going to do to his hair to help fix the previous cut. Again, the boy closed his eyes and waited in anxious anticipation for the haircut to be over.

When the barber finally finished the boy opened his eyes and looked in the mirror. His hair was exactly as this barber had told him it was going to be. The style was not exactly as he wanted it, but it looked good enough that he knew his friends at school on Monday would be impressed with it. Plus, as his hair grew out it would grow into the style that he had wanted all along. It was going to take some time and patience to get it to where he wanted it to be. He turned to the barber and threw his arms around him. "Thank you. You are one of the good ones. You are who I will return to when I need this done again." The boy and his mother returned home. On Monday the boy was greeted by his friends with compliments about his haircut and he finally felt as though he were grown up.

How many members of the church feel as this boy did after his bad encounter with the first barber? They even express either inwardly or outwardly that they are never going to go back to church because of what that ONE PERSON did to them. It is completely understandable to feel this way. Your trust was betrayed and you don't believe it can ever be restored. You have worked hard to gain your testimony. You have worked hard to feel the spirit and the blessings of the Lord. After what that person did to you you only feel as though your hard work was for nothing. I feel for you, but like this boy, something can be done about it.

There are those around you like this boy's mother. It may even be your own mother. For some it is the Savior Himself. This is a person who is watching out for you and your betterment. There are those who have a testimony that they can share with you to help support you during your moment of crisis. Like the boy who was given money by his mother, you can lean on those persons closest to you and their testimony. You can pray for guidance. You lean on them now and you may be called upon by them in the future for them to lean on you, but for now they give to you freely what they have to offer for help. Rely on those people. Their love for you is strong and they want to see nothing but the best for you.

Don't let that one person who wronged you destroy your faith in the church. Like the one barber who did it wrong - he does not represent all other barbers. One person in the church does not represent the entire church. That one person may not be taking the time to care for you as they should. They may not be a good position to take of you or even themselves. There are many other people out there in the church, in your stake, in your ward that could offer you the exact "haircut" that you are looking for. Find that person. Let them fix and repair the damage that has been done to you. As the boy in the story, you may not come out it looking exactly the way you want to, but with patience and time you will grow into what you want to be.

We all have had a "bad haircut" in our lives. How we respond to these haircuts is up to us. We can throw our hands up in the air and refuse to let another living person touch our hair. In some ways that may seem like the easiest option, but if we look for someone else to repair the damage done we may be happier with those results than what we originally wanted. Trials are there for our growth. Don't let them lead you to your destruction. Don't let one person control your own destiny in the church. That is yours to control and yours alone. Find your "mother" and let them pay for another haircut. Let me be that person if I can. Come back to the gospel of Jesus Christ and immerse yourself into the happiness that you use to know so well. Nothing will have changed except for you, and if you are coming back, you are improving upon the greatness that you already possess.